Where has the time gone? Just three years ago I graduated from high school, and here I am, in the very place that I tried so hard to run away from. I’ve always been a quiet child with a loud mind. Fearful yet vengeful, waiting for the opportunity to escape and leave behind this Godforsaken place, or so I thought.
It wasn’t until Junior year that I met the girl who would help me come out of my shell. A tough, feminine outspoken girl with long beautiful raven tresses that flowed down her back. She didn’t take crap from anyone, yet deep down, she was soft to the core. I needed a friend, and she needed me. Her friendship seemed promising, but the truth is, I wanted to be just like her.
At first our fun was innocent enough. We shared four out of six classes together and began to take our homework back to her house. I got to meet her family, and her family met my dad and brother. Hers is a family of mostly women, and they seemed like the sisters I never had. Loud, rambunctious, and crazy; a great difference from my quiet home. Her family always made their own fun and I enjoyed every moment. We laughed, we danced, we played in the rain and we flirted with boys. We gossiped, we swore, we made our own parties, and later we went to church. It was all in fun. All of it was just harmless, innocent fun.
I remember to this day, how sad I felt when she had so many offers to prom and I had none. I felt like I wasn’t pretty enough but it’s actually kind of funny because, I remember how she genuinely tried to help me get a date. I never got my prince charming that night in Paris, but we still had “fun” dirty dancing with our own little group. Then later that night we went back to her house and started to drink. I can’t really tell you what happened because my memory fails me. Graduation day was the best day of all. We got ready together, took lots of pictures and remembered the good times we shared during the past two years. That night was a repeat of prom. We went back to another friend’s house and celebrated our graduation. If I remember correctly that night after we had our fun, we stayed the night at her sisters house and got high. I can tell you that even though we were all giggles and the room was spinning, I didn’t like that feeling much at all; but it was K2 and we were curious and nobody else had to know. I can tell you this, the head aches the next morning were not as “fun” as the night before.
Then summer time came, and my dad and brother went off to Costa Rica. They were preaching the gospel while I kept on sinning. My friend and I just got deeper into our antics. I got sick and ended up in the hospital. She was there for me for the time being, but I was scared for my life and thought that God hated me. Hypochondria set in and I felt disgusting. “Who would love me now?” But it was all just a lie from the enemy, a trap that he caught me in. A few days passed by and I just wanted to go back home. So her mom took me back to my dad’s empty apartment. No one else was home. I was all alone. I was scared out of my mind, so I drank half a bottle of NyQuil and went to sleep. The dreams I had were crazy, and the hallucinations became so real! I woke up screaming “God, I’m so sorry! Make all of this go away!” but God was quiet while I reaped what I had sown.
I remember that same summer my friend got pregnant, and I walked in on her the day it happened. They were in complete disregard to my presence, so I got what I needed and ran out of the room. I was embarrassed by what I saw, but how could I be when I was just like her. After she found out that she had conceived, she was scared and didn’t know what to do. The options were before her and abortion seemed like the only way out. I didn’t agree with that decision but I was fogged by my sins and just wanted her to be okay. She was there for me and the least I could do was be there for her. I helped her call all the clinics near by, but all the offices were too far away or too expensive, and she was ashamed to get a grant for help. Now as I think back, I thank God nothing happened to her beautiful baby girl because while I was there in the room as she gave birth, I saw the miracle of life being born. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I held that little one in my arms. To this day my heart goes out to her as they both appear in my dreams; it’s the only way I can see that beautiful little baby.
A few months passed by, and the unimaginable occurred. I opened up my bible and fell to my knees, giving my heart back to the Lord. The cross finally clicked for me; I didn’t have to keep living this way anymore! I texted her after it happened and told her that everything’s going to be okay! Jesus found me, and I’m not going to suffer anymore! At the moment she was happy for me, but time moved on steadily. I began to read my bible everyday, and began to see the error of my ways. Jesus wanted me to walk away from her….
I said, “Jesus how could I? She’s my friend! She’s been there for me and she knows things about me that no one else knows!” I tried to share my new relationship with Christ with her, but she just wouldn’t have it. She said, “Ever since you started all that church stuff, you don’t want to hang out anymore.” and Jesus just kept telling me, “My love, just let her go.”
For a while I felt guilty, like I was abandoning her. I thought about her baby and thought how much I’d miss that little girl. I returned to Costa Rica in June 2013 and Jesus showed me great and awesome things. I met people who love the Lord with all their heart; their lives were different and the youth were on fire! When I came back to Florida that late July, I brought her baby a pair of authentic booties and told her about all the amazing things that God was doing in my life. Her response was that she loves God in her own way, but she was happy for me. However, later I’d receive a slap to the face. She threw my past back at me in the summer of 2014 while I was away in Costa Rica. Her message read, “Do you really think your new little Christian friends will accept you if they knew what I do? No one is ever going to accept you if they did. You’re a horrible friend and worthless piece of sh**! I don’t need your prayers, and I don’t need you!” All I could say was, “I’m sorry that you feel that way, but Jesus comes first. I love you and that won’t ever change. If you ever need a sister in Christ, I’m here for you. Please, don’t forget that.”
It really hurt– I’m not going to lie, to let her go, but Jesus knew the condition of her heart as He kept showing me that “Bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33).
The bible says, “do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will dwell in them and walk among them, I will be their God, and they shall be My people” therefore “come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, and I will receive you.” “I will be a Father to you, and you shall be My sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.(2 Corinthians 6:14-18)”
“So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to induldge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed. That, however, is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires, to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. (Ephesians 4:17-24)”
You see, my life with her was only for a season. A season that God permitted to turn my rebellion around for the purpose of His plan for my life. If I were to say that I miss her, then that would mean I miss the times we had. Now that I know better, all those times we had are only just memories. Yet, I don’t fault her for what she threw in my face because I know that it was just the enemy speaking through her. However, I can say that I love her, but sometimes it’s best to love from a distance. In this time I’m on the other side of the fence and I thank God for bringing me here. If I were to cross the fence to try to get back to her, then I would be in dangerous territory and out of the will of God, making me an open target for the enemy to lure me back into deeper and worse sins than before. I pray for this young woman who used to be my friend and I hope with all of my heart that one day she’ll come to know the same love that changed my life. The love of Jesus Christ.
I thank you Jesus, so much for your love, mercy and your grace. You brought me out of a dark place! Never let me forget from where you delivered me so that I can always be humble and help those who are on the fence with their lives. I thank you for giving me back my virtue and purity, for showing me my worth and how loved I am by You. I ask you Father to show all of your daughters that they are your special flowers. They are Your roses of Sharon; lilies among thorns in a world that displays evil as good. I thank you Jesus for showing me that no friend is worth the expense of the cross and my eternal life with you. I bless your name, Jesus and I bless the life of the one who is reading this. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Disclaimer: I am not a scholar or a theologian. I am just a repentant sinner who has a relationship with her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.