The growing pains of a transitioning season is never easy. Especially when you have a tendency to be so hard on yourself. I constantly tell myself I need to be better, I need to try harder, I need to– let go. It’s so frustrating to think that you’re making progress but you only feel like you’re taking two steps back, a step to the side, and another one forward– and then it becomes a dance.
“What am I doing?”
Here I am dancing with the Lord.
I don’t know how to dance at all really. Rhythm is not something I inherited. I’m awkward and clumsy. You’d think that being Puerto Rican, I should know how to just feel the music.
“How do you keep time? This is so unnatural to me. I feel incompetent.
What? What am I doing?”
As the music begins to play, I freeze— I try to analyze the components of the song– but Jesus takes me in his arms and wraps one arm around my waist, taking my other hand in his and says, “Follow me.”
“Jesus I don’t know the steps! I’m so lost! Slow down! What are you doing? Help me!”
“Relax.” He says, “Trust me and follow my lead.”
I’m in tears as I feel so embarrassed for every step that crushes His toes, for messing up, not keeping the beat. I’m a clutz. I begin to whine, “Jesus, I can’t do this. I’m a failure.”
“Child, My grace is sufficient for you. Let’s keep going.”
The song continues, the most beautiful song I’ve ever heard. Accompanied by an orchestra of love that harmonizes with compassion, gentleness, understanding and grace. I look up at my Savior with eyes full of awe and wonder as He sweeps me off my feet. Satisfied with myself I begin to think, “hey, I’m beginning to get the hang of this!” Aware of my progress, He adds in a new move, but I’m completely thrown off again! “Whoa, God, slow down! I can’t keep up!”
“I’ve got you”, He says.
The tears start rolling as I weep into His shoulders. The sweet scent of His aroma fills my nostrils and pours into my heart as He holds me close to His. He comforts me in His embrace with every step we take. Not once does He rebuke me, but He takes the time to teach me gently. Letting me know that it’s okay. It’s okay not to know how to dance.
It’s okay to not be the best, it’s okay to be myself. It’s okay to be clumsy and make mistakes. Just as long as I keep on dancing with Him. As long as I stop trying so hard to do things by my own strength, as long as I just trust Him.
“Relax.” He says, “And let My Spirit flow through you. Confide in me and I will teach you. What you don’t know is that I’m preparing you to teach others how to dance too.”
This is what the Lord says:
“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who draws strength from mere flesh
and whose heart turns away from the Lord.
That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;
they will not see prosperity when it comes.
They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”