Woman and The Compass

Photo by Heidi Sandstrom. on Unsplash.

A wise woman once told me that my life is like a compass.

My view is the panorama of what I see every day, to the North, East and to the West. The North, she says, is my future and the South is the past.

She said to me that the North is where I must look ahead, keeping my eyes on Jesus, as He leads me in the way that I should go. The South is behind me and I am to never turn back, only to look to learn from my experiences.

The good experiences are meant to be memories that I collect from the places I go and the people that I meet. No one can take those good experiences and memories away from me, because they are my gift from God. They are mine.

As for those bad experiences– those that came by wrong decisions, mistakes or hurts caused by myself or others– I’m to learn from those moments, forgive and give them to God and let Him heal my heart.

She said that I can’t stay stuck in the past– whether good or bad– but that I need to keep moving forward in Jesus Christ.

That special woman gave me a gem on that day that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. Now when I reach any crossroads, I remember about the compass she told me about and call out to God as His Word says in Jeremiah 6:16:

Thus says the LORD, “Stand by the ways and see and ask for the ancient paths, Where the good way is, and walk in it; And you will find rest for your souls. But they said, ‘We will not walk in it.’

Doing this, I find comfort in the Lord, as He always gently leads me in the way I should go in Jesus Christ.

It is He who says to every wanderer:

Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30.

I’ll always remember this woman and cherish her with these special words in my heart. I know you’d love her too if you’d ever get the chance to know her. But I atleast hope you can appreciate these words of wisdom that I’ve come to cherish, and consider the compass– that when things get tough, always look ahead to Jesus who is our Compass in this hard but good life.

Come Home and Rest

Photos by TheFreak1337 on Pixabay.

There is a physical place where we can run in to find rest and refuge. We call that place home. It shelters us from the storms and dangers of the world outside. When we come home, we lock the door and have faith that we are safe inside. We don’t worry about robbers, fires or flooding. When we lay down, we expect that our loved ones will sleep with rest and comfort without fear that any of the above would shake us out of our home. The Bible talks about a door, a home, and a kingdom. All of which is our place of rest where we run to in Jesus Christ here on earth.

Jesus is the door that lets us into our home in the Father.

John 10:7-9 says that Jesus is the door of the sheep,

“All who ever came before Me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not hear them. I am the door. If anyone enters by Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture.”

In verse two above, Jesus says that

“But he who enters by the door is the shepherd of the sheep. To him the doorkeeper opens, and the sheep hear his voice; and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. And when he brings out his own sheep, he goes before them; and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice. “Yet they will by no means follow a stranger, but will flee from him, for they do not know the voice of strangers.”

Jesus himself is the door of the sheep, and we are his sheep. He calls us by name, but how many of us really hear his voice?

“All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned, every one, to his own way; and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.” (Isaiah 53:6)

We are like these sheep who quickly run away to the voice of a stranger and disregard the voice of our gentle shepherd who calls us home into safety. Then we wonder why we get hurt or things don’t go our way. Maybe it’s because we run away from the door of our safety. Maybe you say to yourself, but how do I know the voice of the Father? Well He’s here calling to you from the door of His home saying,

“Today, if you will hear His voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion.” (Hebrews 3:8)

Jesus is the home we enter in to find God’s rest. The writer of Hebrews says in chapter 3:1 to consider the Apostle and the High Priest of our confession, Christ Jesus. The Apostle is the builder of our house, and the High Priest is the Head of our household. For Jesus is the one who builds our house. Our house is our very own body. For our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and He dwells in it (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Jesus holds honor in our house.

For the Bible says, “But Christ as a Son over His own house, whose house we are if we hold fast the confidence and the rejoicing of the hope firm to the end.” (Hebrews 3:6)

If you have heard God’s voice and he has given you a Word, you need to come home and rest. We must honor Jesus and let him build up our life as He knows best. Many times we may get worried that the promise is taking too long to come. Or we might try to help God with the vision He said He has for us. But our job is to rest in God’s presence by being faithful to The Builder and Head of our household. How are we faithful? We are confident to the end, rejoicing in the hope that God has given us. We take it day by day trusting in God’s faithfulness (Psalm 37:3-8).

“For we have become partakers of Christ if we hold the beginning of our confidence steadfast to the end.” (Hebrews 3:14)

“Today, if you will hear His voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion.” (Hebrews 3:8)

Don’t be like the disobedient sheep of Israel who tested God in the wilderness. God was angry with them for their disobedience. They chose not to believe. They saw God’s Works, His Miracles; they heard His voice, and still they went astray in their hearts. Belief in God’s word is a decision that we make daily, and this is another way we show our faithfulness to the Lord.

“They have not known His Ways, so He swore in His wrath they shall not enter His rest.” (Hebrews 3:9-11)

And to whom did He swear that they would not enter His rest… but to those who did not obey? So we see that they could not enter in because of unbelief (Hebrews 3:18-19). We can see that unbelief and disobedience run hand in hand. Therefore since a promise remains of entering his rest, let us fear lest any of you seem to have come short of it (Hebrews 4:1). This rest is spoken of in a certain place of the seventh day in this way: and God rested on the seventh day from all His works. He also designates a certain day, saying in David, “Today” after such a long time, as it has been said: “Today if you will hear His voice, do not harden your hearts.” (Hebrews 4:7)

The seventh day refers to the Sabbath. Sabbath comes from the Hebrew word Sabat which means that after God finished the creation of the world on the Seventh day, He rested. God’s energy is inexhaustible, but to say that He rested simply means He ceased working. He dropped what He was doing. (Please read Isaiah 58:13-14).

Jesus is our Sabat day, everday. We come to Jesus to rest in our souls and to drop the work that makes our minds run hundreds of miles an hour! God wants us to stop our worrying, to stop trying to make things happen, to stop trying to open our own doors, to stop trying to justify ourselves with our own works, and to stop tearing each other down, but to let His Holy Spirit build us up in the House of Christ. I repeat, we are the temple of the Holy Spirit and He dwells in us, so is Christ a Son over His own house, whose we are if we hold fast the confidence and the rejoicing of the hope firm to the end.

Therefore, we have come to the Kingdom of God, let us then seek the Kingdom of God and his righteousness first, and all these things will be added unto us (Matthew 6:33).

Hebrews 12:18-29 explains the differences between the kingdoms that the Israelites came to in the time of Moses and the Kingdom that Jesus speaks of in the gospels.  Though the Israelites came to a physical mountain, they were afraid because of God’s booming voice of judgement that made the mountain burn with fire and that darkened the sky. It filled the the air with sounds of trumpets that even made Moses tremble!

However, in verse twenty-two of chapter twelve, the Bible says we have not come to that mountain, but to Mount Zion, the City of the Living God! Mount Zion, literally translated means refuge, or fortress.

Mount Zion is not the same mountain that the Israelites came to but could not find shelter because of their disobedience and fear of God’s judgement. Rather, it is the Mountain of God’s Grace.

The Bible says that there is none righteous, not one who understands; for we all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. But we are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus (Romans 3:10, 22-24). The righteousness that God offers us through Jesus gives us the assurance to enter into His rest and to rejoice in the confidence of our hope to the end. We don’t have to work where Jesus already set us free. Instead we drop what we know God is telling us to let go, and rest.

The Lord Himself says to you, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30). For I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me (John 14:6).

If you have heard God’s voice today, do not harden your hearts to the Lord. Don’t be like the foolish, unbelieving sheep who run in the opposite direction from the Door of Hope. Instead, come in and enter into His Home of Rest, find refuge in the Kindgom of God, through Jesus Christ.

Come Home and Rest.

Photo by geralt on Pixabay.

 

Disclaimer: I am not a scholar or a theologian, I’m just a repentant sinner who has a personal relationship with her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. ❤

Walking to the Beat of God’s Heart

 

Photo by Cathal Mac an Bheatha on Unsplash.

It’s 2 AM and I’m laying up in bed.

 

it’s dark and all I hear is the ceiling fan whirring up above me,

along with the thoughts in my head, narrating my heart b-b-b-b-beat.

My hands crossed upon my breast,

I feel my heart b-b-b-beating against the walls of my chest

and do you know what that means?

It means that I’m still living.

It means that I’m still breathing,

and that I have a purpose.

It means that my life has meaning.

Have you ever thought about what self-esteem and dignity mean?

It means that you respect yourself, value your self.

It means that you admire who you are

as a human being.

In the past few weeks I realized that I don’t have to do

anything that I don’t want to. I’m not tied to anyone’s

opinion of who I ought to be.

Because my identity is in the cross. In whom Jesus says I am.

I ought to be loving and kind, yes.

Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash.

 

Considerate and loving my neighbor,

but not at the expense of my self-worth.

Who likes feeling rejected or ignored?

We all want to be accepted

but

the truth is,

that the truth is a hard pill for many to swallow.

I ought to be like Jesus, who spoke the truth

in the face of his opponents who breathed out murder against him.

Jesus esteemed the opinion of his Father in heaven

and God was pleased with him,

even if

Jesus had to stand alone.

As long as I’m speaking and living the truth for the glory of His Son,

My Father in heaven looks down on me and says,

“that’s my girl!”

One thing to remember is, is that the world didn’t die for me.

My dignity and self-worth is found at the cross.

Not in any other thing or human being.

I am a fighter,

a warrior,

a survivor

a soldier

a victor.

I’ve made it through lonely days, and lonely nights. I’ve survived moments without “friends”, because we’ve all parted our separate ways. I’ve pushed past suicidal thoughts, and won the victory over depression. But every time I feel myself slipping back, God works me like a muscle:

He brings me to my limits

and breaks me down again

so that I can recover

and be made stronger.

I have to keep moving, keep walking past

the circumstances that tell me God has forgotten.

I have to keep trusting, praying and surrendering to God

because He will prove that what He said will come to pass.

As long as my heart is b-beating, and I have breath in my lungs

God has a plan for my living, something that I could never plan on my own.

I’m a warrior in Christ and I’m never going to give up.

My Wings

Photo by Alex Wigan on Unsplash.

9:30 PM – October 8, 2015

Too old to be a child, too young to be an adult.

I sat in the middle of the bathtub, letting the water from above shower my head and my back.

I just sat there thinking… I remembered Isaiah 40:31

 

But those who wait on the Lord

Shall renew their strength;

They shall mount up with wings like

eagles.

They shall run and not be weary,

They shall walk and not be faint.

Then I began to pray, I said, “God, I feel like a bird locked in a cage. Like my wings are bound and clipped. God, give me wings! I want to fly, I want to see the expanse of the earth below me. Take me to new heights. Sustain my wings with your hand. I want to fly with wings like eagles!”

Then I remembered the cave window, and the tight space I had to go through just before I was welcomed by the great expanse of the cave’s mouth.The beauty of the nature below looked like a painting as I remembered it in my mind’s eye, and I said to God, “If I had wings I would have flown out.”

Then something in my thoughts said, “no you wouldn’t. You’d be too afraid.”

And I said, “Lord, give me wings to fly because you have not given me the spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.”

Then I said, “But God, I don’t want to fly alone. If you must, teach me how to fly first, but allow me to fly with my husband, with my lovebird.

My eyes were closed, and I wept as the water from above showered my bare back. I felt as if the room was spinning, but when I opened my eyes, I felt a surreal kind of peace.

I knew God heard my prayer and that he would give me wings.

Quiet Observer

Photo by Siddharth Bhogra on Unsplash.

So I’m at the library doing homework because there’s no Wi-Fi at home. I already finished what I needed to do, but I’m more intrigued by whats happening in front of me. There’s is a young Asian girl of about fifteen or sixteen years old sitting in the table across from me. She seems to be doing homework but from what I can observe she’s learning arithmetic. However, she’s not alone. She’s dependent on an elderly man who tutors her. She’s like a small child in her comprehension, and the old man sighs with exasperation at her childlike understanding, but I like to imagine that he feels useful to her.

 

There’s a complex story in front of me that I will probably never know about. Maybe an immigrant girl’s future, and a native old man of these Great States, who’s lived so much and willing to give to her that gift. The gift of inspiration and education. The gift of encouragement to take advantage of life and to make something of herself! A gift that many young people with the privilege take for granted today.

Who knows what will become of them both. Sometimes I feel like a quiet spectator given the opportunity to take a glimpse into the lives of strangers, or even of friends and family. I love to live, but I also take pleasure in observing– even if at times what I see is painful because I suffer in silence with them. But these small glimpses are the little golden nuggets of life that I treasure forever. Even if they don’t happen to me and I’m just sitting on the outside looking in…..

Dancing with Jesus

The growing pains of a transitioning season is never easy. Especially when you have a tendency to be so hard on yourself. I constantly tell myself I need to be better, I need to try harder, I need to– let go. It’s so frustrating to think that you’re making progress but you only feel like you’re taking two steps back, a step to the side, and another one forward– and then it becomes a dance.

“What am I doing?”

Here I am dancing with the Lord.

I don’t know how to dance at all really. Rhythm is not something I inherited. I’m awkward and clumsy. You’d think that being Puerto Rican, I should know how to just feel the music.

“How do you keep time? This is so unnatural to me. I feel incompetent.

What? What am I doing?”

As the music begins to play, I freeze— I try to analyze the components of the song– but Jesus takes me in his arms and wraps one arm around my waist, taking my other hand in his and says, “Follow me.”

Photo by David Charles Schuett on Unsplash.

“Jesus I don’t know the steps! I’m so lost! Slow down! What are you doing? Help me!”

“Relax.” He says, “Trust me and follow my lead.”

I’m in tears as I feel so embarrassed for every step that crushes His toes, for messing up, not keeping the beat. I’m a clutz. I begin to whine, “Jesus, I can’t do this. I’m a failure.”

“Child, My grace is sufficient for you. Let’s keep going.”

The song continues, the most beautiful song I’ve ever heard. Accompanied by an orchestra of love that harmonizes with compassion, gentleness, understanding and grace. I look up at my Savior with eyes full of awe and wonder as He sweeps me off my feet. Satisfied with myself I begin to think, “hey, I’m beginning to get the hang of this!” Aware of my progress, He adds in a new move, but I’m completely thrown off again! “Whoa, God, slow down! I can’t keep up!”

“I’ve got you”, He says.

The tears start rolling as I weep into His shoulders. The sweet scent of His aroma fills my nostrils and pours into my heart as He holds me close to His. He comforts me in His embrace with every step we take. Not once does He rebuke me, but He takes the time to teach me gently. Letting me know that it’s okay. It’s okay not to know how to dance.

It’s okay to not be the best, it’s okay to be myself. It’s okay to be clumsy and make mistakes. Just as long as I keep on dancing with Him. As long as I stop trying so hard to do things by my own strength, as long as I just trust Him.

“Relax.” He says, “And let My Spirit flow through you. Confide in me and I will teach you. What you don’t know is that I’m preparing you to teach others how to dance too.”

 This is what the Lord says:

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
    who draws strength from mere flesh
    and whose heart turns away from the Lord.
That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;
    they will not see prosperity when it comes.
They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
    in a salt land where no one lives.

 “But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
    whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
    that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
    its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
    and never fails to bear fruit.”

Jeremiah 17:5-8

Your Word is a Lamp Unto My Feet

 

Photo by Guilherme Stecanella on Unsplash.

I remember the time I went to the Cave Window back in April for spring break. I remember what it felt like to enter in that damp, dark cavern with only a small light to illuminate my feet. I could literally only see the steps in front of me. Then I had to pass through a tight, uncomfortable space before the light at the end of the tunnel flooded my eyes, and welcomed me with a warmth of wonder and surprise. I didn’t understand or know where I was going but the guide led me along the unfamiliar path. Then all of a sudden, I was there. I was staring in the face of God’s promises for my life.

 

Looking back from that experience to where I am now in life helps to give me perspective. I really don’t understand what’s going on right now in the midst of this uncertainty accompanied with the desires of my heart, and the promises of God’s breakthrough for my family. To tell you the truth, I don’t know how we’re going to get there, but I’m just trusting God.

Allow me to rewind a little bit to about a year ago.

Two days after we returned from our trip to Costa Rica, we were run out of our apartment due to an arson that set the building up in flames. We were homeless for about a month, but God faithfully provided us with this apartment. We received orders from the Lord not to furnish our home, but only to keep the essentials that we needed. We knew that we wouldn’t be here for much longer.

When we got back from Costa Rica this year, God said that it’s time for us to move. Again.

But the thing is, we’ll be moving to another apartment for a month while the new company that bought this complex is completely renovating each building. Hallelujah, because God has answered the prayers of those who desired to see this ghetto cleaned up and restored! I am really thankful to the Lord for this because it’s time this place got a new start! Our hearts however, are set on packing up to go elsewhere. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you, hehe.

My daddy calls this particular move, Abraham day. He shared with me that when he was in the drug rehabilitation ministry, that his spiritual father set days to shake out all of the brothers in the program from their comfort zones by relocating each of them to a new bed and to another room. My dad used this example to help me understand that God also sets seasons in our lives to shake us out of our comfort zones so that we don’t get too settled in one place.

But I’m here like, “God, did you really have to do it the day after we go back to school?!”

I’m not complaining though! I’m taking this part of the season in strides. I know that there is blessing in this. The benefit of it is that we will at least come back to enjoy the new apartment’s complete renovation! — Until God moves us again.

There is another reason as to why I feel the need to share with you the uncertainty of this particular season that is laying heavy on my heart, and it doesn’t have anything to do with the move, or it’s inconvenience for that matter. It actually has to do with the mystery of what’s become of my mother.

About a few months ago I wrote a Letter to Mom and I got a Reply From Mom in return.

Basically what happened to my mom is this: My mom divorced my dad when I was nine, and completely left my life when I was sixteen. She was diagnosed with a severe case of bipolarism, schizophrenia and paranoia after she had a miscarriage of twins. What I can remember from my mom before then was that she was a strong godly woman but that she later turned her back on the Lord. God used her powerfully as a prophetess. When the Lord spoke to her and revealed things to her about the hidden sins of others, she spoke with words of authority and judgment to the unrepentant sinners, and what the Holy Spirit predicted through her always came to pass. She was a prayer warrior, and an avid faster. She was also a good mother, like a lioness, always ready to protect her babies. She was strong, and fierce but she had one weakness: She had a track record of unfaithfulness to the Lord. She would get right with God and then backslide to the ways of the world on a pursuit of her own will, not God’s. Each and every time she left God’s side, she dug her own holes deeper into sins unimaginable for a child of God, and they swallowed her like quicksand.

It’s not to say that God can’t heal her, because He most certainly can. There is undeniable power in the name of Jesus. But He gives everyone free will and she chose to harden her heart to the One who paid the price of her sins at the cross. That’s why it saddened me to find out a few days after returning from Costa Rica this year that my mom disappeared. According to her living-mate, she came home one night completely belligerent and indecently dressed. She was saying that “God told her” to get off of her meds and find her kids with a man that she was having an affair with, a so called, Vincent Gambini (a dead mafioso). She quit her job, bought a random car and went on a lone road trip. Last we heard, the high way patrol found her broken down car abandoned on the side of the highway. Where is she? Only God knows…. We’ve been waiting for information as we’ve also contacted the police; but here we are with our hands tied. Waiting. What could have become of my mom?

I had a dream about her three nights ago. In the dream she called me, and I asked her where she was and if she was okay? But she hung up. I shared this dream with my dad, and by no coincidence he had the same dream that same night too. What could that mean? Could God be preparing our hearts for something?…

I told God and frequently tell him again and again, “Lord, I know you promised me lots of things concerning my mom. You promised me her restoration, and that you would heal her and use her again to testify about the dangers of walking away from you. But you know what’s best, God. I won’t be mad at you if what you promised doesn’t come to pass because I know that it is impossible for you to lie (Hebrews 6:18). Just give my mom peace from this torment that she’s living. Only you know if she will ever live with a repentant heart. If not, give her the opportunity to repent in the face of death, and take her home with you. My only request to you Lord is that my mom not die in her sins. Jesus, have mercy on her soul…”

These words are on my heart everyday that the mystery of my mom is kept sealed. I just pray for the light of knowing what’s happened to her. To accept something. To know that she’s ok. To move on. This is really hard for me to process, because I was always holding on to the hope of being reunited to the woman of God I remember her to be. I pray for her well being though. Whether here on earth, but more so for her eternity. If I can’t have her back now, then I hope to see her again in heaven.

So here I am walking through the temporary season of this dark cave. With boxes cluttering my room, filled with the reminder of Abraham day. But more so with the hopes of God’s promises for my family and my life. I hold fast to what the Word of God promises me in places like Jeremiah 29:11 and Isaiah 55:8-9. I’ve decided not to let my heart be troubled and not to be afraid because Jesus is here to take me by the hand and lead me to the flood of light that I once saw at the end of the way– that day I went into the cave.